Getting Unstuck. It sounds so easy. But it's a lot harder than it seems. Harder than it should be. Here are seven easy, thought provoking questions to jump-start your quest for a more fulfilling life.
‘Just move on.’ they say. ‘Take that leap. Go for it.’
‘Cut your losses. What are you waiting for. You can do it, just believe in yourself.’
‘Life is short. The time is now. You’ve got this.’.
‘Alright’, you say, ‘OK, maybe you are right’.
But then. Choice paralysis. That first step. The actual leap.
The actual shift. The surrender into the unknown. Somehow getting started. From nothing into something, into more and then beyond.
And there, great plans come to a screeching halt. Or fizzle. Or lay forgotten in a corner. Swept under the rug. Placed back on the shelf for later use. When the time is better.
If so read on.
It doesn’t matter how old you are. It doesn’t matter where you are from, where you were raised, or what kind of work you do. It doesn’t matter what the color of your eyes is, or your hair. It is universal. It happens to waitresses. It happens to folks with PhD’s. That pervasive sensation of feeling stuck.
It’s not super uncomfortable. It doesn’t hurt, not really. It’s not really painful. You can live with it. And it won’t kill you, at least not right away.
It is more a gnawing sensation, a pang of unease. Sometimes it’s jealousy or anger when someone else is doing what you think you c(sh)ould be doing.
It is that thought that pops up in your head when you least expect it, and that you usually gently, but firmly shove back where it came from.
Because it is not the right time to contemplate change. It is not the right time to make a shift in your life. There is too much comfort in the here and now, the status quo, or so it seems.
Work is fine, and your husband too, so the sensation gets pushed away, overshadowed by thoughts like ‘what’s for dinner’ and ‘I should really get a haircut’. The uneasy feeling obeys and goes back to the darker corners of your mind.
BUT..IT DOES NOT GO AWAY
But, and this is important, it does NOT GO AWAY. Oh no, it is still there. AND IT WILL STILL BE THERE IN THE FUTURE. And watch out when middle age comes your way. It won't be pretty.
If you are still reading, you probably feel a slight uncomfortable tingling somewhere in your body. Maybe a spot on your body just started itching. Maybe you are biting your nails. Maybe your body pretends it's hungry in an attempt to lure you away from what you are reading. Maybe your eye started twitching. Maybe your body just feels numb.
Smokescreens. All smokescreens. Your body, mind and heart are having an argument. Your fear center and your strategic visionary center are doing a tug of war for control. It gets a bit hot and bothered inside. Who shall win tonight? Who is sending who to the darker corners of your psyche? Is it that part that says that the sacrifice of going after your dreams is too great? Or is it the part that says ‘I am ready to do whatever it takes to become my authentic, genuine, real self’. Who is in the lead? $10 on the part that wants to keep the status quo the status quo.
This is what ‘stuck’ feels like. It’s when there is a nagging sensation that something is not quite right in life, but it isn’t quite wrong either. It neither. It isn’t PTSD. It isn’t crippling depression. It isn’t anxiety, schizophrenia, bi-polar although the voices in your head are confusing. This is just ‘simply’ feeling stuck. But there is nothing simple about it. Sometimes it is mighty difficult to get unstuck in your life. The forces all seem equally important. They sound smart, clever and equally sensible and it is hard to figure out who you should listen to and why.
Sounds familiar? If you'd like to get unstuck; here are the seven questions of unstuckability.
THE SEVEN QUESTIONS OF UNSTUCKABILITY
1. Tell me about an example of a time in your life - a specific day or single experience- where you felt like you were doing what you were born to do? Describe an experience where you felt fully alive, you were firing on all cylinders and it seemed like everything you’d done in life equipped you for that moment.
2. In what areas of your life that were broken or messed up in the past are you now helping others? What messages of hope does your life embody for others?
3. What causes you to fire up? It could be the environment, adoption, making your neighborhood safe, anything. What cause gets you angry, passionate, determined or excited? If you had total freedom to rearrange your life today to align with those priorities, those passions, those values, with no outside obstacles or objections, what would be your top priorities? What would a day in your life look like?
4. Describe how satisfied you are with your overall life and wellbeing. If you continue in this present state of satisfaction, what will your satisfaction be like and how will you feel five years down the road? How about in 10 years? How about in 20 years?
5. If you chose not to act on this, what would life be like if nothing was different here in a year? Let’s say you are 80 years old, looking back on your life, and you never pursued this dream. Reflect on that for a minute or two. How does that feel to you?
6. What are you tolerating in your life and your relationships? What are you putting up with that maybe you haven’t even thought about taking action on until now? What do you gain from settling? Or putting it another way, what do you fear you’d lose if you went after your dreams?
7. Now imagine you are at the end of your life looking back. You are almost ready to close your eyes for the very last time. Your breathing slows. Your body softens. What deeds would enable you to honestly say, ‘That was a life well lived. I have no regrets!’
YOU WILL DIE
Sooner or later. And if you do, in order to have no regrets, you have to live now like are dying, live with abandon within reason, turning your passion into something that is greater than you.
Because when a woman finds her calling, there is no stopping her. When a woman surrenders to what she knew all along deep inside her, the world takes notice. When a woman roars, the world responds and paves the way for her brilliance to shine, for resources to appear and apply it to where it is needed most.
What are you waiting for?
Want more help getting unstuck?
You know where to find me.
Ps: Like what you read? Who else needs to see this? Your sister? Your friend? The Facebook-friend you've never met in real life, but who always posts articles you really enjoy? Go on, give back and share away, it's ok.